La deuxieme partie

Well, it was all very anti-climatic really, Dr. P had not received the necessary info about Eliot's test and was very: it could be this but if it's not then we can do this, or we can not...

Yep, less is not more right now! Anyway, looks like the molars have begun to invade both Henry and Eliot's mouths and they are not happy (read: Matt and I are not happy). It is really hard to console the inconsolable; nothing is working it just hurts Mama and Dada!!!! We are not opposed to tylenol or anything that stops the pain, still, they hurt.

We are trying to be optimistic about life and things in general but I must admit I am feeling more Bitchy Barbara than Susie Frickin Sunshine, that is okay, that is life. I went for a pedi today which somehow seemed to make things a little brighter. Something about bubbling warm water and polish that can pick a girl up.

I am looking forward, looking up, trying to see the light at the end of the proverbial paper-towel roll.

The Next Big Thing

Eliot had his big mag3 test with lasix and it looks like his kidney is not doing well at all. Matt and I were more than a little shocked that his function had gone from 19% to 12% in a matter of months! It looks as though the reconstructive surgery they were going to do is not going to happen, instead they are thinking that they may have to just take out the left kidney totally.

Pheeewww, it is so scary!

Dr. B was so kind and patient, we are pleased he is working with us now. Our only thoughts are that Dr. P ( the other doc) may have been to able to save the kidney? Maybe, maybe not. We are going to talk to the nephrologist on Friday, more answers.

All at once we are relieved to know what to expect and scared at the prospect of what is to come. Knowing is key, knowing is what we wanted.

Both boys are chunky-monkeys and doing well, Eliot seems to be a little traumatized by his test more than a little white-coat shy. I keep telling myself that we are doing what is best for him, but it is hard when you see your child so upset. Matt standing by my side and sharing in the experience was so good for both Eliot and I.

There are times when you know the universe is conspiring, that things happen for a reason. Matt being home has been really lovely for the kids and a support system for me. I was joking with him talking about how when he does go back to work I will be spoiled:)

We have not let the hurdles slow down or dampen our holiday spirit. Christmas is my favourite Holiday, we are excited to have a great one this year. Albeit Henry will be getting his eye stent removed early December, it will be the last one. I think that Eliot's kidney will happen later on, we shall see. While I am teary at times when I really take time to think about all of this, I try to think of all the people and things that our family is graced with: love, generosity and kindness from everywhere. This, my second Thanksgiving in the United States, is a time to reflect on things I am grateful for and there are many people and many things to count. They can fix what Eliot has, we have family and friends that are standing so strongly with us. We are not alone and we are not bereft, we are loved. How lucky are we?

Fresh Santa

Just a few short days until Eliot will get another mag3 nuclear med. test to determine his kidney function on the left side. Dr. B., the new and improved doc, will be giving us answers which I am both relieved and scared about. I guess watching your baby have to go through tests and lots of poking and prodding makes any mother feel a little circumspect.

My favourite time of the year is approaching, yes, favourite is spelled with a "u" , kay? Christmas! We are getting ready for our big boys to visit what we have come to know as "Fresh Santa", the big guy who we sit on and visit with at the mall in November instead of later, mostly because he is fresh. He is not in mid-december, lines of kids, too many sips outta the old flask, who knows! When we see Santa he is all fresh, pressed and ready to rock Christmas. So, yeah, Fresh Santa this week hopefully:)

Matt and I are poor, poor, poor and our lovely kids don't know and are not lacking for much. We are okay, pressing along and keeping our heads above the proverbial water. Fa, la, la, la, la.

Halloween approaches, the trees are suitably dressed. I can feel the time slipping by when I look at how big my two boys have gotten, 18 months old today. Pheeww, I cannot even imagine what my life felt like without them, it is as though they have always been in our lives.

Henry's constant questioning and requests to "Oh-bum?" everything that can be closed and opened. While Eliot barks away at his doggies and points out every single light that is "Ohhhnnnnuh" and calls so sweetly for his brother, "Ennnnnn-yeeeaaaa". All of this deliciousness and goodness amidst all the stress and tension, quite a lucky paradox really.

The boys have so enjoyed their Da-da home and while we continue to do our things that we get up to, Dad visits or pops in at playgroups or parks and the both kids are so happy to see him, and Matt to see them.

This is the next part, the next chapter, I can see it in the gait of my newly running children, the way that new roads will soon be appearing. It is as though we are cresting over a hill and we are just now able to see past the line of the horizon and beyond.

We are poor, very poor, but reasonably happy ( read totally stressed out!) but there is a calm, knowing that we are okay. Maybe we are the kings of Calamity, I would rather think we are not getting too good at living so close to disaster, I would rather think that we have found some faith. The faith in ourselves, the universe, but mostly in how much we love our kids and each other, that this good thing will see us over the next ridge ( that and a lot of hard work).

We are working hard, Matt is working hard, I see him reaching and stretching for the next thing, the job that will be the one, the answers for us. I am so proud of him. I am looking to start my course ( money permitting ) in January. We are all ready.

I am surprisingly calm, centered, feeling good. There is always tomorrow, but for now, c'est beau:)

I should be a tour guide of MEEI...

It has been some time since I have written, I did not want to start sounding like the "hospital lady" as all of my news lately has been health related; I was starting to feel a little as though I was typecasting myself:)

As it stands, and to be brief, Henry had yet another surgery tuesday night, suffice it to say that all looks well now as both eyes have been "re-done" and we are hoping for the best. Ugh! and double ugh!

Now we begin the first week of Matt's non - working and a little part of me is happy as we will get to spend time as a family, and as it turns out, I can get a little "me" time. I am trying to squeeze in a zumba class and perhaps a driving lesson. Weird to be thinking in terms of me and my time, wow, I forgot about how awesome that can be.

I am bone tired, psychically exhausted and hoping that we can catch a break.

Seeing my sister this weekend, fresh from the motherland was great, I love her sooo much.

I will continue to bore with my health talk and my pseudo hopefulness ( wink, wink ) and make small wishes into the night...

xoxoxo

Leaves are falling, leaves are falling all around...

When I was little the sharp, crisp air, the leaves collecting in crunchy piles along the sidewalks, all heralded new beginning: fall. It was not just that autumn was in swing, it was more. School was starting and the long, lingering days of summer were receding in to the background, this was serious, this was september.
In a flash, even september seems to be flying by.
I love new starts, I remember new notebooks with my perfect handwriting vowing that this year would be the year, this year I would stop being the dreamy look-out-of-the-window student, I would start being the A-plus student.
And what a dream it was, for at least a week:)
I find that our lives are taking that same turn, change, newness, things ready for a new start. Matt still waits to hear back about the many jobs he has been applying for - I believe in him. I know things will be okay, we could just use that good news sooner than later:)
Something about today, the quality of late afternoon sunlight, the blue of the sky and the laughing little smiles from our two lovely boys made me think that we are on the up swing. It just felt that way.
I try to remember to be thankful, to be grateful for all the good and to try and not internalize all of the worry and strife, today that was pretty easy.

Living in the moment, right inside of it is sometimes the key to enjoying life I think. That moment of pavement and rolling plastic cars, children laughing and our family together, I am glad I could savour it, I sucked all the marrow of it, it was delicious.

The only way is up...

I feel as though anything that could have gone wrong with Henry's simple tear duct surgery, did! After the horrendous post-anaesthesia wake-up, following the actual stent loosening and coming out ( it literally looked like a figure eight of very thin, very pliable fishing line coming out of the corner of his eye and resting on the lens of his eyeball), to the visit on Friday ( emergency visit due to the stent coming out), as well as the stent continuing to come out further on Saturday, to the second surgery Sunday morning! Suffice it to say, Henry did not love it, but it is over. His eye appears to be okay, nothing coming out, all the parts are inside. That is what we like. Phhheewwww. Nana, aka Matt's mom was kind enough to turn around and come back over to our little small apartment and sleep on an air mattress to be with first, Eliot, while Henry was in surgery and then Henry while Eliot came with us to see ( drum roll please) Dr. B. who is in fact just bloody lovely!

Boston Children's Hospital boasts quite a rep, especially for an out-of-towner like myself, I was more than impressed. Dr. B appears to be everything that Dr. P is not: organized, informative, warm and yes, has a plan for our little corn-muffin, Eliot. Complete with colour charts of the urinary system to handy pull-out plasticized sheets of kidneys with easy to understand drawings that he patiently explains a step at a time. I feel as though we have broken up with Dr. P, we just could not abide his ways, and we are seeing a new flame, the Doc with the charts, the man with the plan, Doc. Beeeeeee.

We are thrilled, Matt and I could barely contain our relief after the hospital tours this week, it was a wonderful to have such a good experience. Thanks to Uncle Mark for hanging out Eliot in the waiting room so we could have a proper chat without the "...no, don't touch that, sorry, go on, Eliot, not in your mouth please. Sorry, do go on, hang-on, I told you not to lick that, it's dirty" scenario playing out.

More tests for Eli, but at least these tests have a purpose and a plan.

Also, EI came today to see about my boys and to see if the still qualified at 16 months for more help. They don't 'cause they are genuises and they are awesome. Just saying...hope this is the momentum roll that continues. We could use it.