More snow. Yep, there it is flying around outside, floating little orbs descending on the already pregnant piles of snow lining the streets. Given that it is February still, I suppose that winter is supposed to still be here and present, even if we are so totally done with it already:)

It is going on into the fifth month of no work for our family, Matt and I are looking fervently for any sign, any break that may be on the horizon. So far he has had 2 interviews for jobs that are not nearly enough money or hours. The unemployment dollars are stretched so thin they are practically transparent. I know that others have it worse, I know that we are lucky to have what we do. But I am getting to the WTF portion now.

It might also be the encroaching Republican noise about redefining rape, attempting to re-model the women's right to choose, the Tea Party and all of its racist and white solipsistic propping up. The idea that Texas Universities are vying for more guns at their schools...All of it seems to be piling up.

The whole remembering to be grateful thing, yeah, trying really hard to be humble but it seems to be overtaken by the roaring of anxiety and the blood rushing in my ears. I am scared, really scared of what this all means for our family right now. I feel as though we are running in a little hamster wheel repeating the same actions and hoping that the outcome will be different...soon. One of us must stay with the kids, double dollars for childcare does not even make sense right now. One of must work, Matt has more chance of employment than I at this point, and he has better odds of making money with his teaching license and experience. My childcare expertise is a pittance sum, but I am seriously considering night work? We are searching out alphabetical plan Z's...

We are searching for work out of state and, as a last resort, out of country should we need to.

We would be in dire straits now without the generosity of so many people, but after a point one does not want to be the object of charity. I am exercising my mind to hold on, we are making a date that at such a point as the "job" does not appear that we will try a plan b, c, d, etc. All dependent on how well our kids would do in that given situation.

These are tough times, I know that we are tough too, but our edges are frayed and tired.

We have each other, we have our little family all together. That is something to be grateful for.