A long time between posts doesn't even begin to describe it! Looks like we have a new addition to the family, Ms. Willa joined our family May 1st, 2014. At 8 lbs, 9 ounces, she surpassed my OB's suggestion of a 7 pounder by a smidge. At five years old, both the boys have done remarkable well with the interloper. They have, for the most part, enjoyed her cooing and smiles, not as much with the out and out crying. Willa has laryngomalacia, a condition that describes a floppy larynx that causes a really weird noise when she breathes, cries or eats. For the most part, Willa is now gaining weight, eh wasn't for the first two months of her young life, and breastfeeding has by all accounts gone out the window. This brings me to my point, breast is best except when breast is not working out well at all. Doesn't seem to rhyme well at all, but he conundrum remains, what happened to the idealic image of my breastfeeding mecca. A singleton baby, attached and well fed, a mother relaxed and unburdened but he cumbersome bottles, formula and rinse routine? Well, apparently dashed in a pool of medical issues, failure to thrive diagnosis and breast aversion…yes, it's a thing. While the suck and breathe reflex for babies with this laryngo condition is taxed, some babies cannot coordinate the two in order to breastfeed. At least that's what the literature says. Oh yeah, and one lactation consultation whose words were.."maybe when she's older?",
While the logical side of my mind understands that breastfeeding and pumping for that matter work for some and not for others, the emotional side of my brain feels defeated, unmotherly, and as though I have failed my little wee one. To look at her now, however, she is happy slurping away on a Dr. Brown's bottle as opposed to a Mrs. Brown…does she really care that much? Probably she is happy to know that food is coming and that she can breathe, right?
Oh, the hullabaloo of feeding your baby, I can't decide if it has been politicized so much that it has become an issue or if this emotional issue has become political all on its own merit? Whathaveyou, hopefully when next I post I have relieved my self of the guilt and shame of unsuccessfully breastfeeding my baby, Fingers crossed.
