Holland is a land of intense paradox. It is quite impossible, but it is there. - M. E. W. Sherwood

We got the diagnosis. After a false start and a lot of well meaning people with the wrong answers, I finally feel as though we have the right one. Eliot was given the diagnosis of Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified ( PDD NOS ). It means that he has a form of Autism that they see in very high functioning people. We are strangely happy. The doctor related a poem/story about parents who find themselves faced with an Autism diagnosis for one of their children:

Becoming a parent is like preparing for a trip to Italy.
You find yourself getting excited about learning the language and you buy tons of phrase books to start learning.
You map routes and destinations to visit along the way, you learn about the cuisine and decide on places to eat.
You learn so much about Italy and then you are in the plane on your way there.
Suddenly the pilot comes on to say, "Welcome to Holland".

I understood what the doctor was trying to say, that Holland (child with Autism) is still a unique and lovely place to visit but it is unlike Italy and what you had prepared for.
For us, I told her it was more like:

We have been flying in the fog for months, we keep landing in unfamiliar places that just don't seem to agree with us.
We keep having to fly around and find out what direction we should be going!
Panicked and exhausted, the pilot comes on and says, "Welcome to Holland!" and we are so relieved!
We sort of suspected that we may have been circling the Netherlands for some time.

The Doctor laughed, but I think she got a feel for what Matt and I have been going through. Now that we have this diagnosis I am eager to get Eliot all the services we can. Our EI person will continue to see us and we will just be adding on. We will be getting an ABA therapist as well as a Speech Pathologist to help Eliot with social pragmatics ( I had to look that one up)


I feel that someone has finally seen what we see, I want to capitalize on all of it. The more help we can provide Eliot with, the better.

Next week, I start my course and that will also be a n adjustment period for the family. I think it will be difficult to adjust to a few nights of Mom away, but I know that everyone will eventually learn to adjust. There is a lot going on for our family and I am feeling as though we are reaching new places.

I want to be strong enough to do it all and to be it all, I am hoping that I will find all of that, digging in a bit and pushing forward.